Money & Mom
- Apr 30
- 3 min read
Do you struggle with money?
Write down 1 sentence that describes your experience of or relationship with money, cash flow, success, abundance.
Notice the response in your body sensations and emotions as you contemplate this sentence.
Do you struggle with your mom?
How easy or hard is it for you to give and receive love with her? What happens in this exchange.
You can name this dynamic in words too if you can. More likely, a memory or image of time spent with her will come to the surface.
Is there any similarity in your money impression and your mom impression?
When clients come to me with struggles in their romantic relationships, or with money, I help them look at their connection with mom first.
Why?
We spend 9 months inside of mom being nourished and riding all of the emotions and nervous system states that flow through her body.
This is the most intimate relationship we will ever have.
It forms our earliest impressions of how much it’s safe to take, and what we can expect in intimate relationships.
This learning comes through our body, not our mind. It is pre-verbal, or implicit memory. (Explicit memory is what you can see in your mind’s eye as stories or thoughts).
In utero we are learning:
Is it safe to take from life?
Can I trust my needs to be provided for?
Can I take all I need without fear it will harm the other?
I have worked with so many clients to unearth an unconscious decision they took in utero to try to need less and take care of mom because they sensed she was stressed or not getting her needs met.
Is it possible for an embryo to take care of an adult? Impossible.
But these decisions get laid down unconsciously in our body and become our baseline way of relating. A pattern is formed that repeats like theme music in our life.
At birth we learn:
Is this world safe and welcoming?
Am I wanted? Am I welcome?
Can I trust my own rhythm or must I be forced to comply with something imposed from the outside?
Will I be left alone? Is it safe to want what I want?
I frequently assist clients to revisit their birth trauma to see what impressions and beliefs about love, care and belonging were laid down inside.
I help them re-negotiate it with the kind of support, accompaniment and welcome that would have been good. Their adult self and loving presence becomes their new midwife, with my hands, voice and presence as the guide.
New baseline impressions take root as a felt experience in the body to replace the birth trauma.
In infancy we learn:
Am I Safe in Connection?
Do My Needs Matter?
Who Am I, Reflected Back?
How Are Emotions Handled?
What Should I Expect from Love and the World?
All of this early formation within our primary attachment bond is why Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations work, focused first on the mother-child bond.
This is why I offer a class on HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND using Family Constellations healing as the guide to soul work that goes deeper than talking out your story with mom growing up.
If you are ready to explore how to shift your story, and the story you hold in your body still, of your mom and mothering, joining us for HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND is the perfect place to start. Details and booking here.
I also go deep into this territory with you, holding the whole story of your timeline from in utero to now, in a 6 month 1:1 Healing Intensive. You can explore this work here.
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