What story do you tell yourself about your mother?

When you tell a friend, a therapist, your partner, about your mom, what do you say?

It will be helpful to take a moment right now to write down 3 words you use to describe your mother.

You may need to drop into your body to feel into what feels true for you.

When you write those words down, pay close attention to how your body responds to them.

This is your “inner image” of your mother, or how you hold her in your mind, heart, body.

It is not the full truth of your mother. Does this surprise you?

There are so many things about your mother you cannot see, cannot know.

She had an entire life before she became your mother.

There are things she shared behind closed doors with your father or other parent that you never witnessed. It was between them.

Family Constellations work provides the unique opportunity to know how it really is or was for your mom.

That’s why this approach is sometimes also referred to as the “expansion of family of origin”.

[This is what it is called in the Netflix show ANOTHER SELF, which shows 3 women living through health, career and relationship struggles while turning to Family Constellations work for healing and guidance. This show is a great place to start your exploration of healing generational trauma.]

With Family Constellations work, I help you to ‘set up’ the energy field of your family system.

It’s a bit like putting chess pieces on a board, with each chess piece ‘representing’ a family member, or sometimes even holding energetic space for abstract concepts or emotions that are living, unseen and unacknowledged in the field like: GRIEF, FATE, DEATH, PERPETRATOR ENERGY, LOVE, GRACE.

As representatives step into their places (with group work), the family field animates and comes alive so you can see and feel what is going on at a deeper level than you can reach with the story you repeat.

It is the soul-level, filled with our human need for belonging, unconscious loyalty, and entanglements with unhealed traumas living in past family members that have not been held in love.

These are the true hidden roots of the challenges you experience in life that you haven’t been able to untangle with talking or personal development work.

If you are ready to venture deeper into engaging directly with the truth of your mother that is held in your family energy field, I invite you to join me for HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND

This gathering for 12 people is a great place to explore Family Constellations for your first time.

It is also a place to return to if you have done some of this work and are ready for the next layer of truth, insight, healing and release from the current struggles in your life that are inevitably connected to the larger family field you live within (like it or not!)

I’m offering 12 spots so you won’t get lost or overwhelmed in a big crowd on the screen.

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My 3 words for my mom, the way I used to see her were: weak, needy, confident in relationships at work but not at home. (Ok, that’s more than 3!)

After many years of doing my own Family Constellations work, now this is how I hold her: sweet, loving, tender, funny. Desiring closeness with me that I had a hard time knowing how to let in (and that is MY work to do).

I can’t help you change your mom.

You can’t change her trauma history, or how she was raised by her parents, how she learned love.

You can only change how you hold her, how you see her, and how you respond to her (if she is still alive). 

This may mean learning to set and enforce boundaries with her, or learning to let her come closer and give love the way she knows how to give it.

Sometimes it does mean no longer having contact with her, but learning to take your life from her with love and taking it from there on your own.

It almost always means saying to yourself on the inside: 

**In your honour mom, I will mother myself the way I know you would have, if you had been mothered that way yourself.

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Even better than 3 words for your mom…take 15 minutes or more to write in your journal your story of your mother. 

I’m going to go do that myself right now. 

Slow down and feel what arises in your body as you do this.

With Family Constellations work we stay out of our heads, drop below the story we tell, and listen to what is held in the body, which is also the unconscious. 

It is somatic work, energy work, soul work.

Bring your 3 words or your journal entry to HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND gathering. Read more and book here.

Or bring it to 1:1 Healing sessions with me. We can start your healing journey where your life started, with mom.